Lighthouses, numbers, and upcoming scans

See all those inlets around Brunswick?
Wish I'd know what they meant to
the ocean *before* I got there!

It's been a while since I've posted anything.  Sorry for those who have been worrying.  Somehow as an adult, summer seems to have completely lost that "long days to do anything" quality it had when I was a kid.  It just seems like there's so much that needs doing in every direction!  Part of it's cancer (appointments every couple of weeks to check my blood counts as the regular protocol on Ibrance, or every single week to see if they're back up into "low but safer" range yet, walking every day) but a large part of it is just life with a job and a home and a family and a lot going on.  Just like everybody else!

It's not that I don't have time to post a quick update, of course, and I'm sorry I haven't.  Mentally, things feel very overwhelming these days.  Again, cancer and life.

I'm back on the Ibrance now, so that's good news.  Finally, on July 23rd my neutrophils went up to a whopping 1080.  You'll notice 1080 is higher than 1000 which meant I was cleared to start on the 75mg of Ibrance.

I went back to the hospital at the end of last week to see if my neutrophils were still ok after almost 2 weeks of the new, lower dose of Ibrance.  I honestly wasn't expecting good news because, come on, 80 points above the cut line isn't a lot of wiggle room!  But, much to my surprise, my neutrophils had actually gone up to a crazy 1400--still really low for normal people, but awesome in context! I guess there must be some lag time between cause and effect with the neutrophils, but I'm hoping it means we may have finally gotten to the sweet-spot between the two.

Actually, I really, really hope so because this current 75mg dose is the lowest one there is, so if I flunk out of this one, I'll have flunked out of the entire Ibrance regime.  I don't really want to burn through another one too fast!

Which, of course, brings up the only question that really matters here: it's all well and good that my neutrophils are doing better, but how's the cancer?

And for that, I have no idea.  My tumor markers were up a little bit in late July, but not as high as they were in June, so who knows if it's a trend or just normal variation?  I've been taking Ibrance since the end of April now, so almost 4 months, but I've successfully completed exactly one 28-day cycle, and I don't know what all that extra time off might mean. Luckily, I'm in the last week of pills for this current cycle, so that'll be two full cycles--go me!  I'd actually forgotten about the exhaustion and irritated throat/stomach/nose that come with many days in a row of this stuff, but after all the on and off with this drug, how can I complain?

At least this week I'll finally have some more answers--that CT scan we'd scheduled at my last appointment is finally coming right up, and that should tell us a lot more.

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Almost a month ago already, my husband, daughter, and I took a nice weekend in Freeport, Maine.  I take a lot of my PTO for medical stuff, so a little Saturday-Sunday vacation away was just the ticket.

Maine was lovely, the weather was lovely, and strolling around Freeport made for a very relaxing time.

On Sunday morning, after we'd had Lobster Brunch (nice!) at the inn and checked out, we thought we'd go enjoy a little time on one of those beautiful beaches I thought Maine was known for.  Although many of my friends growing up went to Maine all the time and I'd heard about the beautiful beaches (Old Orchard! Oguncuit! Scarborough!), this Massachusetts girl has only been to Maine once, and that was for a wedding not swimming.  But I figured it's the same ocean we've been to here a 1000 times, what could go wrong?

Well, turns out, a lot could go wrong!  We went to a private campground/park nearby on the ocean, paid our per-person entrance fee, parked the car, grabbed our beach bag and walked to the water edge only to find our "beautiful Maine seacoast" was actually a mass of clay sludge and shallow, dirty water with sharp shells and seaweed everywhere.  We actually walked all the way around the point looking for the ocean we knew and loved (we are such rubes!).  We never found it.

I know, I know, should have done some research first!  I guess it never occurred to me that the Atlantic Ocean could be so different a few 100 miles up the coast. 

Part of life is knowing when to say when, and this one was an easy call.  We stopped just long enough to unsuccessfully try and wash off the sticky clay from our feet at the spigot before hopping back into the car and hightailing it back to the highway and heading home.

It was disappointment, for sure.

But a funny thing happened on the way to Massachusetts.  We'd been talking about how disappointing it was and my husband, who was driving, was secretly thinking about maybe trying one of the other beaches to maybe redeem the day a bit.  It might not be great, either, but it could hardly be worse.  As we were plugging down I-95 along with hundreds of other people at the end of a summer weekend, we came around a curve to a pile of breaklights just at the exit marked "York Beach".  Wait there with the rest of the traffic or take the exit?  That's an easy call!

So we went to York Beach and it was stunningly beautiful.  Miles and miles of clear sand and blue water rolling up wave after wave after wave.  There was even a lighthouse in the distance where the land and water met.  We had a wonderful time.

And a funny thing about that lighthouse, too.  I've had radiation therapy 2 courses now, both times in the same planning room and the same treatment room.  They have pretty pictures on the wall and over the ceiling light panel.  Gives the patient something to look at while you're lying there day after day.  I bet you can guess what those pictures were of, can't you?  Yeah, it was that lighthouse, the one that was sitting there waiting for us at York Beach.

I'd know it anywhere.

I took this pic because I was there!

I'd had 50+ different occasions to study that house, that light, the little fenced yard, the little red shed.  It felt comforting to see it again.

Is it just a coincidence that we accidentally discovered the same lighthouse that figured prominently in my cancer treatments? Maybe. You could certainly make that argument.  But I don't know, I like to think of it more like Noah's olive branch, like a little symbol of encouragement during a difficult time.

Maybe it is just one of those things that happens.  But to me, finding it there like that seems like a good sign.  Not sure what kinds of ups and downs are in store or what "good" ultimately means here, but cancer is a rollercoaster and Ibrance is, too, and I think I'll just take whatever good I can get my hands on--to me, this is just the one I needed, and right when I needed it, too.