Post 2, in which I live to fight another day

Saying, "Thank you, God!" a lot over the past few days.  My hip is irritated and has some inflammation but does not have any apparent cancer.  Thank you, God!

So, I remain stage IIIa and continue on my current path of tamoxifen (an estrogen blocker because my particular cancer feeds on estrogen) and efforts at healthy eating, with a little break from my efforts at getting enough exercise in a attempt to rest the hip.

A recurrence scare is (obviously!) no fun.  It's terrifying for me and terrifying for my family.  But, in a strange way, I think it has a weird bright side--it forces me to face the possibility of progressing to stage IV and helps renew my determination to do what I can to prevent that.

To be very clear, especially to anyone whose view of breast cancer is mainly happy partying women in pink tiaras, tutus, and boas, all the early detection and treatment in the world can not prevent all breast cancers from progressing.  Plus, we can determine the odds that the cancer will return, but we can't determine WHO will be free of progression and WHO will die of this.

Let me repeat that, all the early detection and treatment in the world can not prevent all breast cancers from progressing.  We can determine the odds that the cancer will return, but we can't determine WHO will be free of progression and WHO will die of this.

The rearview mirror is shiny clean, but the windshield is pretty cloudy.

But there are things that studies have shown statistically decrease the odds of moving to stage IV, and those include taking my tamoxifen (which is not without side effects, but better than terminal cancer, at least in my book), eating a healthy diet with lots of fruits and vegetables, maintaining a healthy weight, and getting enough exercise (interestingly enough, that's independent of any weight-loss it may add to).

Since we all know how much fun those non-pill activities can be in practice--let's face it, they sound good, but who really wouldn't rather just eat a cookie and not sweat?--a little renewed focus can be a good thing.

And so I move on, doing the best I can to do what I can and keep on the fine line between being vigilant and careful, and living life without fear.  Or without excessive fear.  Or with occasional excessive fear but not debilitating fear.  And gratitude.  Always gratitude.