Numbers that may or may not mean something

M.C. Escher - No. 45 Angels and Devils

Have you ever watched those videos where an artist starts drawing something and at first you have no idea what it's supposed to be but at the end, with those final last strokes--presto!--suddenly it all comes together and turns into something?  They used to do a lot of those on Sesame Street with the voice-over kids guessing all the while at what it would finally turn out to be.

Health care is like that, too.   

Sometimes there's a lump or bump, maybe a random, fleeting pain.  You don't think that much of it at the time, but when it gets worse or other things happen, you get a diagnosis and in hindsight you can see how it all fit together.  Pieces of the whole.

I'm thinking of that because my tumor markers have gone up.

Long time readers and those of you also involved with cancer will know that tumor markers are something some cancer tumors give off into the blood.  They aren't present for everyone with breast cancer and they aren't 100% reliable even if they are present, but I have them and they seem to be pretty reliable, as verified by the CT and bone scans (more about tumor markers here).  And, basically, the more active the cancer, and the more cancer there is, the higher the tumor markers are.

And mine have gone up a lot since we last tested them in early April.

I'll admit, when I first saw the high number, higher than I've ever seen it before, I panicked.  Damn you, Ibrance, you stupid punk, not even worth a month? Really?!?

But then I started thinking.  And the real truth is that I have no idea what it means.

It's true, in general, high tumor markers are bad, but a few things I was thinking of:

1. Anti-hormonals like Faslodex and Letrozole (with or without Ibrance) can take a while to make a difference.  That's why if it's a crisis, they go for radiation or chemo, not anti-hormonals.  The problem for me is that I don't know what "a while" means here and I don't really know what's supposed to happen in the meantime.
2. I've read that sometimes anti-hormonals can cause tumor "flares" when you start taking them, where the cancer activity ramps up sharply as the tumor starves for estrogen, but after the flare, the anti-hormonals start to make a difference.  But it isn't true in all cases and I don't know if it's true at all when you switch from one type of anti-hormonal (like Faslodex, an estrogen receptor downregulator) to another kind (like Letrozole, an aromatase inhibitor).  So these numbers could be a sign of a flare indicating effectiveness.  Or they could be a sign that the cancer is just plain growing, indicating ineffectiveness.   Who can say?
3. I know what my tumor markers were in early-April and I know where they were 6 weeks later, but the thing is I have no idea what they were doing in the meantime.  For all we know, they could have gone up a lot higher between the two points.  For all we know, this newest high number could actually be a lovely, Ibrance and Letrozole led drop from whatever even higher point they were at in between. Really I have absolutely no idea.

There's a reason I don't practice medicine.  Clearly, I have no idea whatsoever what I'm doing.  And maybe some people really do have that Earth-Mother-Goddess ability to "know their bodies" and listen to some sort of soft, sweet voice of confident intuition telling them what's going on, allowing them the supernatural ability to "know their bodies best."  I think that would be really cool, but I wouldn't know for sure because I've never, ever had such a thing happen to me.  Ever.

But I did come up with one good thought of my very own (or maybe that's my soft, sweet voice of confident intuition finally weighing in, but probably not).  I don't practice medicine, but I know someone who does.

So I went back onto the new Electronic Medical Record site where I saw the high tumor marker number and sent a message to my oncologist asking her what, if anything, we were supposed to make of this number.

And she told me, basically, that it's just too soon to tell.  It's too soon to know if the drugs are working, too soon to know which piece of which picture this one is going to turn out to be.  She's not worried right now and it's no reason to switch drugs right now.  Because, right now, it's just too soon to know.

So this picture could end up being "Dawn of Utopia" or it could end up being "End of an Empire," but right now, no one but God himself can tell where this one's going.

The good news is it isn't bad news. The bad news is it isn't good news.  And beyond that we just need  to wait and see what kind of news it will turn out to be.