Maybe about Ibrance, maybe not

Edgar Degas - L'Absinthe

Two weeks ago, I was on a dream vacation to Italy.  One week ago I came home and started my 2nd new drug, Ibrance, meant to work alongside the letrozole I started the day the new bone and liver mets were discovered.  I've been feeling sick ever since.

I can't really blame it in the Ibrance, at least not fully.  I was, after all, on airplanes, in new places, finishing a busy week with not much sleep.  My meals in Italy were delicious but not full of whole grains, fruits, and vegetables the way I try to make sure my normal meals are.  So, like millions of travelers, I caught a bad cold.

Strangely, with all the medical stuff I've had over the past several years, stuff including chronically low white blood cells, I don't get sick much. That's part of why this one has me shooting dirty looks in Ibrance's direction.

I also can't remember in recent times having a cold that lingered this long.  First a couple of days of sore throat and body aches, then add in a bad, tickley, barking cough, toss in a stuffy/runny nose for good measure, and make sure there's enough exhaustion so that the nights spent sleeping poorly with constant coughing and sniffling really hurt.  And keep up with it through what is now day 8.  Yuck.

To be fair to Ibrance, none of those are recognized side effects of Ibrance.  Plus, as of last Wednesday at least (at the time sore throat and body aches), my oncologist wasn't worried.  She pointed out that 3 days on Ibrance (at the time) wasn't really that long to be building up side effects.  So that's all good.

But, since you know me by now, you know I still worry.

I worry about the common side effects of Ibrance like lowered white blood cells and chronic upper respiratory infections.  Low platelets an poor blood clotting.  Anemia and fatigue. I worry that all of that sounds like an invitation to catch everything that may be going around.

I worry that those things, even if they're just starting to develop in me aren't helping me get over this cold.

I worry that this isn't just a bad cold based on bad luck but actually a sign of how my live is going to be on Ibrance.  Catching everything.  Taking too long to get better.

My oncologist is smart and careful, and in my head I know she's probably right, that this is just a cold and that's that.

And hey, last night, I only woke up once in the night, which is much better than the several nights before.  And yesterday, finally, for the first time in a while, I felt better than the day before instead of worse--both facts that help bolster my faith  in a non-Ibrance illness.  Or at least an illness that can run its course despite Ibrance.

But, with a cold that's unpleasant and lingering, it has me thinking back to my chemo in 2012.  That time was tough but bearable, mainly because I knew that in 16 weeks from the first dose I would be done.  That's the thing missing with stage 4 treatments, there isn't a checkered finish flag.  You start with one (hopefully the one with least potential side effects and most likelihood of good results) and keep on until the cancer gets worse.  Then  you pick another and do the same thing.  Over and over again until you run out of treatments.

Its a great system if your side effects are minimal and your success is long lasting.  It's an ok system as long as they meds are giving you good results.  But if the side effects are difficult and the drug is still effective, at some point you may have to deal with the fact that this is now just how your life is. And if the drugs aren't effective, well, you know that's not good.

Clearly, a lingering bad cold (or a series of lingering bad colds) is livable if the anti-cancer results are good.  And I have hope that Ibrance will generally go better than this first week has been, despite low blood counts that may or may not be in play and may or may not be keeping me sick longer.  At least for now, I feel like maybe I'm starting to get over my cold and coughing a little less.  Hopefully that's a good sign that it won't be like this for the duration.

I've always said, and always meant, that I'd do whatever I had to to be here for my husband and the kids for as long as I can.  But this cold serves as a reminder that so far in stage 4 I haven't had a whole lot of things that would put that to the test. I'm hoping my Ibrance experience won't be much of a challenge, either.  But this week of illness is a reminder to me that there are a lot of different things living with stage 4 can mean.

But right now, there are just too many unknowns about what this cold might mean, how Ibrance might go, how long I'm going to be feeling under the weather, and even how effective Ibrance may be for me.

So, here's hope for feeling better soon, a long and successful run on Ibrance, and no more illness.  And the hope that I'm just a traveler who caught a bad cold unaided and unabetted by any other factors and just need to get over it soon.